Thursday, May 3, 2012

Perspective

Isn't perspective nice.  We don't know good without knowing bad.  We don't know beauty without knowing ugly.  I had a moment yesterday that presented this lesson to me once again. I went in to the infusion center at Stockton Kaiser to have my port flushed.  This is something I have to do every 4 - 6 weeks to keep my port functional.  Reminders of cancer are never too far away, unless I purposely work on creating screens from my vision to help me see the people rather than the disease.
The infusion center is where I had all of my chemo treatments.  As I was walking out of the clinic I realized I had a huge smile on my face and felt so happy.  It was the dichotomy of the present compared with how I left that clinic a year ago.  It was the wonderful feeling of being able to just go to the appointment by myself, to actually drive myself there and drive myself home.  It was being able to walk in AND OUT of the building on my own two feet, no wheelchair, no support from Jacqueline and my mother sandwiching me on both sides, no having to stop on the way to the parking lot due to not having the strength to make it in one stride, no feeling of of nearly passing out or extreme nausea.  
The wonderful feeling of walking into the clinic and having JoAnn, one of the nurses who administered my chemo many times, have a wonderful smile on her face to see me.  And to compliment me on how great I look and notice that I've lost weight. She even commented on how I lost the "moon face" caused by the steroids they administer to try to prevent your body from being killed "too much" from the chemo.  How lovely it was to only be there for 15 minutes, compared to walking in the clinic at the beginning of the day and leaving at the end.  I didn't need to take multiple bags as if I was camping for the weekend.
Please do something each day to be grateful for what you do have rather than what you feel is missing in your life.  As you do this, it will also serve as a reminder to me to continue to see life this way.  Life is so much more beautiful when you're trying to see all that is right with it.  Consider your perspective.
Love to you all,
Denise

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